Destination Paradise

We've been kinda cryptic about our upcoming plans, but now that everything's official, it's time to announce it clearly. Yes, we are moving to South Korea. I've been hired through the Korean government to teach English at a public middle school in Seongnam , which is a city of about 1 million people (9th largest in the republic), just a 45-minute trip from Seoul, roughly. Carlos will stay home with Lucas and teach him all the important stuff in life. We will be together. The position includes a furnished one-bedroom apartment (for those who have taught in Korea, you know that one bedroom is a big deal!), which is located about 5 minutes' walking distance from the school, and which has a park across the street. My contract starts September 1, but I'm pretty sure we'll be heading there a bit in advance, so we'll straighten out those details soon. I'm very excited about this position because when I interviewed with the school, they were especially...

I go 6 months without posting and now I do two posts in two days. This isn't likely to be a regular occurrence, but the holiday weekend gave me some time to ponder and write. This weekend the New York Daily News published an article about three wonderful bloggers I've come to know well through our shared struggle in balancing immigration and international relocation for the sake of a marriage: Emily Cruz ( The Real Housewife of Ciudad Juarez ), Giselle Stern Hernandez ( The Deportee's Wife ) and Cheryl Arredondo ( Us, After America ). The moment the article went online, the comments section predictably filled with the usual hate and ignorance that you see any time one of our stories is published. I became well-acquainted with this rhetoric one year ago when my family's story published in the Chicago Tribune. The best advice is to not even bother reading the comments section, and I normally follow that advice because truly, nothing healthy or productive can come of ...

Today is a day of conflict for many families like mine. On the one hand, we're surrounded by parades, festivals, flags and all the symbolism reminding us to be proud of and celebrate our great country. On the other hand, we're weary from the daily and very undignified struggle of having our nuclear family unit split up into different countries as a result of our our own country's policies and legal values. Our families are put through exceptionally miserable challenges due to unjust laws that were passed, after all, by legislative representatives of the American people. And more recently, various elected officials have started passing legislation that is not only questionable under the constitution, but thoroughly misguided and fundamentally based in racism and xenophobia. Finally, many news sources spread a huge amount of rhetoric that really does have its base in hate, ignorance, willful misinformation, and lies. This is the stuff that gets the most attention, becaus...

Maybe it's been a little too long since my last post, huh? I don't get how all those mommy bloggers do it. I can barely get a few ideas strung together before I'm asked to fix a broken helicopter, read a big trucks book, or replay some scenes from Toy Story or Curious George. For example, this post was actually written over a period of 7 different sessions. What have we been doing? There was a trip to Mexico in September shortly after my last post. Even though that was many months ago, it's probably a good starting place as I try to get back into the blogging game. I live for moments like these: Our visit coincided with Mexico's historic bicentennial independence celebration. Although hysteria over potential cartel violence managed to keep us from going to any public events, we did get to enjoy the festivities from home, and from various small-scale celebrations during the week. Everywhere we went, people were selling flags, horns, and other fe...

My list of ways to survive unwanted separation has been sitting there begging to be taken up again, so here we go, I'm jumping right to one of my favorites. Coping Strategy #4: Choose joy. Choose victory. Choose to believe the miracle. This one actually took me a really long time to figure out, unfortunately. But apparently if you live every day feeling that life is awful, the world is out to get you, God has forgotten you, and things will never improve, you really start to believe it, and you get even more miserable! A friend of mine recently updated her Facebook status to say, "Choose joy." I thought that was remarkable because it's simple but so true. When everything around seems bleak, you really have to be intentional about living positively. Some days, this means pushing out thoughts of: "My husband's having a horrible day, I'm a whole country away, my son is sick, the Skype connection is too choppy to talk, and I had an awful day at wor...

Last week when I started drafting a list of ways many of us survive unwanted separation from our spouses, I realized that I was listing each strategy in order of when I discovered it, not necessarily in order of importance. So while the most important stuff will come later, for now, this one's a pretty big one: Coping Strategy #3: You absolutely MUST stay busy I don't think this one can be stated enough. When I find myself spending too much time wallowing in the awfulness of being separated from Carlos, the truth is, I just have too much available time. Although generally Lucas takes care of demanding my every waking moment, sometimes I have to actively look for ways to fill the remaining time so the glaring awfulness doesn't get to stand out. Besides the obvious ( work , daily tasks ), I've had to look for ways to invest myself in other people and other pursuits so that I can divert my energy to something besides mourning over the time my family has lost. Here...

This post is dedicated to all the people who wonder how we separated spouses do it, and to all those who know exactly how we do it because they live it every day. I get asked all the time how it's possible to survive this long in a separate country from my husband, while raising our child. Honestly, it's a very absurd concept to ponder: maintaining a life separated by more than a thousand miles from the person you love and swore to stand by for the rest of your life. But in practice, it's actually not so extraordinary. See, when you have no other choice, you do what you must. Obviously the simplest solution would be to eat a lot of ice cream, crawl under the covers, curl up in a ball, and try to never come out. And I'm not gonna lie: I've tried it. But then Lucas came along and that was no longer an option because as much as I'd like to stay in a sugar-induced state of self-pity in bed every morning, I have a child who not only needs me but literally grabs...